i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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