oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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