Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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