saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
