please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
