How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
