For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
