omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
