Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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