I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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