hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
