Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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