My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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