They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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