Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
