hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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