If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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