i wish starbucks made bloody marys
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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