and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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