Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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