ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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