so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
