I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
