I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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