he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
