stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I am midnight drunk by noon
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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