I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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