sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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