I can tuck mytits in my pants
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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