are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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