Swine flu. Run for my life!
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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