Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
