They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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