Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
