the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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