then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
