my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
