I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
high people should be assigned attendants
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
