There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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