just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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