Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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