you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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