Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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