Will you blow on my dice?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
