I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
