my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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