he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
