So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
