Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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