the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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