You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
