This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
