I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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