This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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