no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
