Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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