Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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